I'm glad I have no children

I just found out that this feeling I've had lately (and have now) actually has a single word representing it in German. It's called Weltschmerz. I'll paste some of the wikipedia article about it.

"The modern meaning of Weltschmerz in the German language is the psychological pain caused by sadness that can occur when realizing that someone's own weaknesses are caused by the inappropriateness and cruelty of the world and (physical and social) circumstances. Weltschmerz in this meaning can cause depression, resignation and escapism, and can become a mental problem (compare to Hikikomori)"

"It is also used to denote the feeling of sadness when thinking about the evils of the world"

I don't know if this happens to everyone (well I doubt it does or else people would have had lengthy conversations with me about it by now) but when I read about some well researched and horribly sad thing occurring now in our world I put myself there mentally and try to think about how it would feel to be the victim of whatever monumental injustice is at hand. It gets to a point where I have to consciously stop reading for a few hours or else I get a supreme feeling of hopelessness because there are people all over the place who need all manner of help and other people are actively trying to stop the relief and want to grind down those who can't fight back.

There are so many struggles going on that I can barely prioritize which is the most pressing. What cause do you take up? There are gender struggles, class struggles, race struggles, civil rights and civil liberties being impinged or taken outright, there is terrible bloodshed in Darfur, Rwanda, Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and numerous others. it's overwhelming. I've lost track of even how much I was going to attempt to list.

I also read today that, in America, the 400 richest people, (now think about that, I'm pretty sure my senior class in high school had more members than 400) have more wealth than the bottom 1.5 million. We somehow think our society is egalitarian when we have the income disparity of a third world banana republic. we are entering into a severe class struggle due to horrible economic circumstances and half our population is ready to take up arms in order to keep themselves from getting free healthcare. Our nation is psychotic. Most of them never think to challenge the millionaires spewing propaganda at them every day. Someone on the internet today asked what it would take for Americans to finally get their heads out of their asses and make meaningful reform to make society better for everyone. One answer that interested me was that we would have to have a famine first. Our population would need to feel the effects of real hunger far up the class ladder to where no one could be insulated from the hardship. Then it would be easy to see the wealthy still protected and fed and finally focus some anger there where it belongs.

This post today may be disjointed and badly written but I just don't feel right. I've got that weltschmertz

Side note that I've been thinking on but haven't posted

Obama has really been fucking up lately. Like serious stuff. Not the main media hype over the health care reform. His health plan was a step in the right direction but it was far from being anything close to what we need. Every member of congress who is currently on any committee that has any sway on what will be in the final bill has recently received shitloads of money from Pharmacutical companies so we are FUCKED. our Democrats (who are honestly a corpratist party now, not progressive. minus bernie sanders, senator whitehouse, and kucinich.

What I'm getting at is something weird is going on with obama and I'm fairly certain he must have had to make some dark deals with the real power players in washington to get the support of all those superdelegates and now he's paying the piper.

The stuff that I'm most angry about is the continuation of many Bush era policies about indefinate detention, going back on his word about closing guantanamo bay, and moving the afghan war into pakistan (which guess what, has a very important Oil pipeline running through it). He also has not come forward and ended the militaries Don't ask don't tell policy which keeps open gays out of service. I saw a figure that showed the military has spent 95 million dollars retraining new soldiers because of the ones they discharged due to this bill.

There's many more things I'm upset with and I've written several letters to the white house and to various senators about my concerns but it really doesnt matter. the only letters they care about are on Goldman Sachs letterhead. I'm extremely frustrated and I have some ideas brewing in my head about what I want to do in the nearish future. If it starts seeming feasible I may post a detailed explanation of what I want to do.

Well part of my motivation for writing all of this is to show that I'm not an apologist for the democratic party or president obama. My loyalty lies in progressive causes not corprate handouts and collusive backroom deals that fuck over the public. Though I hate what conservatism has become more than I hate lukewarm democrats. They have turned into a lunatic fringe incapable of simple thought, and genuine discussion. They are playing politics like it's gradeschool recess. so fuck them.

It has been a while since I've updated.

I'm not exacty sure where to start. This entry will be a little more personal than previous ones. Not because I ran out of horrific things occuring in the world to keep you updated on (for example Joe Arpaio's county developed a Thing called a Taser Array. What it is is a huge wall of taster guns mounted together. supposedly they are supposed to be shot 1 row at a time to hit a group of people. and then the next row shoots the nexts group after the first falls, but as we all know Law Efrocment assholes will unleash a wall of pure pain on a single guy hitting prongs into his face, neck, chest, legs, maybe arms, and he'll probably die. We've already had several deaths from tasers in the normal line of duty. One guy actually burst into flames belive it or not).

This post is actually about a random thing I wrote over AIM to my friend who was not responding so he was either on the toilet or playing a game. The thing I wrote is kinda cool. not purfect, but pretty cool for stream of conciousness. by adrians request here it is:

yourfearisgreat AWAKEN C'THULU REY'LETH REY'LETH. AWAKEN SHUB NIGGURATH THE GOAT WITH A THOUSAND YOUNG. COME FORTH AND CLAIM THIS INTERNET AND UNLEASH YOUR UNHOLY MAJESTY

yourfearisgreat: A dark mucous with a tint of green began seeping through the crevasses in the stone wall of the dungeon, While the world may be moments from it's ultimate terror being unleashed, ironically, you, yes you, are mayhaps the safest of the race of men, Due to your foolish crimes of seeking to know the unknowable, you have been confined to this wretched dank pit, but insobeing, you are the least likely to be on the minds of any destructive cosmic horrors which shall be tonights entertainment.

yourfearisgreat: Your vantage point is poor, being 3 walls and iron bars, but you notice that you can feel some fluctuation in the feel of earths...lifeforce? A stone felt like it had settled in your stomach when you were able to figure out that only the death of hundreds of millions could affect one, base as yourself. The sensitve ones on the surface must be in living hell to see feel of that death

yourfearisgreat: why, you wonder, do the Cosmic deities care so little about human life? they need no reason or encouragement to kill on a whim. I heard of a man brave enough to ask the Dread C'thulhu that very question. Our Dread friend answered him psychicly so as not to overwhelm his auditory system. He said "Life is the only thing there is. Life is Sacred. If you have no life in you, then the world has nothing for you. Humans, sadly are a short sighted and evil lot so we do them the ultimate favor of showing them their errors through killing them.

yourfearisgreat: The experience of dying and then being confronted with the afterlife usually affects even the cold hearted deeply. Though it's not for you to know or I to tell, but Death is the beginning. your blink of time on earth is totally inadeqaute to figure out the proper way to live and to experience all that life offers. Once killed, time stops pressing so hard on the being. they find they can move backward, forward, and even sideways through time. then The One God (not from any of your earth centric books sorry) reviews your time on earth with you. this is your chance to explain missunderstandings or appologize for regrets. Once you have been permeated (each cell of your body fused with our mystic power) you can then start to build your real self. no more kids, mortgage, bills, traffic, you live in a paradise (reflected from your dreams) and spend the days speaking with dead philosophers, authors, scientists, or atheletes if you like.

yourfearisgreat: it's best to think of your earth life (Which was sooo fucking important right) as a sandbox for you to learn to use basic mental faculties. many get carried away and think that life is what life is about, even worse some never even think about any of these concepts. they just live and pretend their out of touch jaded attitude is cool. the greeks got it near the beginning of history that "The unexamined life is not worth living". you might as well have been a roach

yourfearisgreat: Enough explaining from me. Humans are very low on the need to know list. i only talked to you because i'm tickled that your unimportance put you in a singularly safe and funny position

yourfearisgreat: the world right now is being ravaged by age old horrors and specters from realms not of this reality. the flying semi-corporeal alien dragon covered in green flames, headless horseman with heads of pikes, wagon trains in the roads, their wheels shod in teeth and fangs so as to make a menacing clickity clack. horrible skeletons ravage almost everywhere, with their meat in various stages of continuity. Horrible mangy dogs ridden by impish goblins who shoot poison arrows at passersby.

yourfearisgreat: and let's not forget the big guys. sometimes you need to terrorize and lay waste to huge buildings and vehicles. luckily we have the Balrog demon and the ever faithful Bahamut. Tidal waves of molten lead splash down into stadiums and other huge gatherings. Instantly burning everyone to the bone before contact even occurs. Worse still, when it cools, the skeletons are preserved in a horrifying scene from some satanic play

yourfearisgreat: There is no hope, no escape, only the revelry that we cosmic entities enjoy. And who should stand against us I say. None. No man, beast, demon, "god", idol, Military, no wizards spells, no shamans rituals and charms. Pure death and fear. the essence of all things.

yourfearisgreat: well except for you my dungeon kept friend. you missed all the horrors of this reality, so perhaps count that as a blessing. what happens with you now is beyond me. The door was never locked, so i assumed you were staying of free will. that struck me as so uncharacteristically human i actually earned a modicum of respect for your forthought

yourfearisgreat: i can make a proposal for you if you like. I can slay you now, painlessly and start you on your journey to become your real self in the afterlife. you're way ahead of the game just knowing that much. or you can be a cowering dog who pisses himself in the face of a challenge

yourfearisgreat: The man lay himself on a flat marble table and the horrifying monster set to his macabre work. one small thing though, he lied about the lack of pain. He planned to keep him alive while pulling out each capilary and vein one by one. that kind of pain is trancendental. the mind grows beyond its physical self and is prepared for a life of amazing possibilities and catastrophic calamities.

yourfearisgreat: the end i guess